A photograph is a segment of your life, confined to a moment caught in a variety of ways. Through Photobooth photographs, photographs of the people around you or a photograph you associate with a particular feeling.
There is a danger to this.
The danger lies in obsessing over the past through your previous efforts to remember. How did my face look in 2013? Who did I have feelings for then? What was my flat like?
These questions seem to place these moments into categories, seemingly untouchable and as you get older, more unobtainable. Your body continuously gets older as your life makes progressions. Digressions play a large part too.
To live life with the intention to record it creates a loop, an uncomfortable one. On one hand you have a large archive only the individual can truly understand, but the other creates a room for failed memories or parts of your life you could have done better in. They always stay there permanently as memories.
I have seemingly been obsessed with documenting my own life through various ways, to create work that speaks of the broader spectrum of living. And I remember distinctly sitting down in a room filled with my old memories, made with people to view in mind and left myself quite sad about my decisions to photograph this quite obsessively. Several people had recommended to me that I work on a subject, instead of focusing on the things in my own life, but I struggled to see the point of this was. I always felt that I should only photograph what I know otherwise my interpretation of the subject would be warped in some way. I'd have been swimming but barely keeping a float. I wanted to focus on the things I could comment on, but more importantly the things I felt comfortable doing so.
The word comfortable is vital here and it was not an easy option, sometimes people rarely confront themselves, never truly knowing exactly what they were about. I had the feeling this work could become infectious and help others try the same. Maybe a bit like art therapy.
The truth behind the act of making work about yourself is that you always are aware of everything that happens and the past can preserve you into a state of constantly looking back, hoping to improve in the past. This is an uncomfortable notion.
I had thought for a while about what I would continue to write about on this platform, hoping to make a leap outside the photography world and maybe gaze into what real life looks and feels like. The creative world can sometimes feel like a large bubble that never leaves its own front yard. I considered leaving photography all together and this is not a bad option, but the dangers of overthinking your life through pictures is a difficult spiral to slope down.
I had always found it fascinating that you could Google my name and find out everything about me and I never really understood why this obsession appeared. This was my primary aim, to lead a completely public life. Photography made sense to be used as a tool to understand the self, in more ways than one. It is a strangely powerful tool that begins to affect the physical state of your mind as you reflect instead of moving forward.
Maybe it would be something I'd never understand.