Your name appeared on a list. Contact them, close the door or leave it half open.
You can close it if you want.
It is not going to be easy, nor make anything better.
I had the last say.
But it’s not what I wanted.
Amongst the cotton of your t-shirt the scent rises through the fabric. These scents remind me of the feelings we had.
I miss you.
I wonder if you miss me too.
A song comes on, you appear in my mind. A location passes me to my right as I drive through. I miss you.
I wonder if you miss me too.
I miss everything about us. I miss the times we spent in eachothers presence.
As the lust and desire elevates the sense to be with you grows stronger. It is hard to decipher that we are no longer together. Sharing our time in eachothers hands and arms. Maybe I was too romantic.
Maybe we felt too much.
You both live in Serendipity, your Dad once said. Two young hearts entwined as one for a chaotic existence. Lustfully making their way around eachothers personality, physical shape and general existence.
Your bum is peachy, he said.
You smiled as I smiled.
I love you.
I’ll never leave you.
I never thought I’d not be saying those words when we were placed in the car holding eachothers hands over the gear stick.
Drinking into the night and cracking a can in the morning became a regular routine. The exhilaration drove us both, mad for eachothers scent and feeling. Completely involved until the last moment. Playing around until the morning rises.
My head hurts but I don’t care because I’m with you.
Before we went out you turned to me and said ‘Wear gold hoops, they make you look chavy’.
The thought of you makes me hurt in a many ways. When you were once a positive memory, full of exhilaration and excitement. Nothing was better than when I was with you. You lit up a lot of elements in my life and showed me another way of thinking, as I mirrored your actions. Mirrored your speech. Mirrored your approaches and made us think as one person instead of two.
We never lost sight of ourselves.
Continuing as one person without the influence of you, it is not easy.
As our time together abruptly ends the lack of communication doesn’t seem to leave my mind. But I’m sure it will.
It is not what I want.
We could pass in the street and always find a way to remember. Our eyes can react and make us reflect instead of dwell. As each moment carries on I find new moments to fill my time, without you.
This is not what I want.
As invisible sensations begin to fade your image remains permanently in my mind. There will always be a mark there, a shelf I had saved for you, even if its just where the memories go to rest.
I’ll archive them if you want.
I don’t want to archive being without you but it is the only option. I don’t want to have to record my life post our experience.
As I sit there, legs tucked into the corner of my foot I had never felt so close but so far to our friendship and intimate experience.
You seem so distant. You seem so far.
You seem so far away now.
You can talk to me if you want.
I have left the door open, for you, should you pass through once more.